I was minding my own business in the bathroom the other day when I noticed writing on the wrapper of my feminine hygiene product.  I took a closer look and discovered several inspirational sayings, encouraging me to “stop stressing, start focusing!” and “dance and be happy!”

I was taken aback by this; this was not a situation where I need a pep talk or a lecture.  I’ve been successfully menstruating for almost 25 years without advice from an overbearing tampon.

With my busy life, the bathroom is the last semi-private sanctuary in my home.  With the exception of the occasional toddler barge-in or emergency summons, the bathroom is the one place I can enjoy two to four minutes of peace and quiet.

Now my tampons are yelling at me.

In the right mood, I suppose that these pithy sayings might inspire me to be a better person.  More likely, they’ll just engender feelings of inadequacy.  Let’s not forget that I’m reading this at a particularly vulnerable time of the month. 

What’s worse, my tampons can’t seem to get their stories straight.  One told me to “play to win!”, but another told me that “Winning isn’t everything.  The journey is more important than the finish line.”  How can I possibly meet their expectations, given these mixed messages?

Maybe I should try to “Just go, then keep going!” and they’re right, “Life isn’t a spectator sport!” 

Or maybe I’ll just try a different brand.